The Break Up
by Hikari M666
Summary: If you experience a traumatic event during exam time, you can apply for special bonus points. Naruto tries to exploit this by staging a bad break-up between him and Sasuke, but it becomes clear that he hasn't really considered the nasty consequences.
1. Chapter 1

**The Break-Up: Chapter 1 [of 13]**

_Read profile page for background information regarding this story._

*

Naruto ran his lines through his head one last time. With the principal watching him the way she was, it was the hardest time possible to remember what he had to say. It didn't matter though, he reassured himself. He was allowed to appear distressed.

"It's really very rare that anyone is allowed to apply for bonus points," the principal said sternly.

"I know." _But I have to get them. _"But I – I know this is awkward – my marks in the upcoming exams are probably going to suffer."

He calculated his downward stare at the nameplate on the desk proclaiming _TSUNADE_ – not so short that it was trivial, not so long that it was melodramatic. He was a good liar; he knew that mere seconds could make all the difference.

Tsunade, the principal, frowned, though not angrily. "Is it related to some kind of trauma?"

Naruto nodded.

"Well, you'll have to fill out a report, and also give me details and evidence. I know it's a thoroughly unpleasant process, but I'm sure you can appreciate the necessity. A death certificate, veterinary report – whatever relates to your particular… grievance."

He nodded again. He didn't speak. He had to seem reluctant to explain.

"So . . . what is your grievance?" Tsunade asked. "I'm sorry if this is too frank."

"A – a break up," Naruto said quietly.

"Sorry?"

"A break up," he said, louder, but shakier. "With my boyfriend of three years."

There was a substantial pause in which the conflicting impacts of this statement hit Tsunade, all the relevant facts visibly leaping out at her and directing her thoughts: just a teen love crisis. Three years. With another male.

Naruto hoped that the plan was working.

Over the past year, his marks at school hadn't been brilliant. Not abysmal, but far from perfect, and sadly, just under his target average. He had a specific choice of course at a specific choice of university, but unless he _blitzed_ his exams in three weeks' time, he could kiss that choice goodbye. Desperate, Naruto knew he would have to start looking for alternative ways of getting into this course, besides marks.

Exploiting the Bonus Points system had been Sasuke's idea. Bonus points worked on the basis that if a traumatic event that may affect one's performance took place just before any examination, that person was entitled to 'consolation' points, so to speak. The simplest way to get such points for Naruto without killing a family member was for him to be involved in a horrific break up – apart from the obvious fact that he and Sasuke had no intention of actually breaking up.

So it was their job for the remainder of their time at school to convince everyone that it was real.

"I see," Tsunade said grimly. "Well, I won't deny that it is unusual, but you may well have foundations for receiving bonus points."

Naruto did his best to look downcast.

*

After half an hour of silent paperwork – which would have been less, had Naruto not been intent on drawing out the process to show his 'stress' – he was finally free, and relieved that he had made it out alive. Once outside, he made sure to shuffle mournfully until he was well out of sight of the school.

He wasn't entirely happy, mind: he knew this charade wouldn't be easy. The prospect of a double life didn't appeal to him, but the slightest slip could screw up his future. Everyone would hear about this break-up by Monday, so this afternoon was potentially his last chance to be seen with Sasuke in public. He intended to make the most of it.

Sasuke messaged Naruto his location, and Naruto finally spotted him lying on his back in the only part of a nearby park not shaded by trees. As he walked closer, he saw that Sasuke's eyes were open, but if he was staring at something, it was not clear what. His eyes were unfocused, so it was hard to tell if he was asleep or awake.

Naruto's test was to wave his hand above Sasuke's face, high at first, but gradually descending until it was inches from making contact. Just when it looked as if Sasuke wouldn't move even if he were slapped in the face, his arm lashed out and he grabbed Naruto by the wrist.

"About time you did something." Naruto grinned. "You looked like the breathing dead."

Sasuke used Naruto's wrist to pull himself upright. His usually-immaculate hair had bits of grass in it. "Cloud watching does that."

"Cloud watching? Why, Shikamaru, I'm sorry – I got you confused with my boyfriend!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Don't mock me. He was on to something when he patented the activity."

"No, I think you'll find he was just on something,"

"Oh, it's hilarious because you're implying he takes drugs. Well done."

"So it's okay for you to mock me, then?"

Sasuke pretended to think. "Yes, I'm good with that."

It was this sort of banter that always began their conversations. It was a long-standing tradition between them and they would be horrified the day it was lost. Couples who were only civil to one another and couldn't handle a joke between them were – in Naruto's words – "just retarded."

"So it all went well, I take it?" Sasuke asked.

"Exactly the way you said it would," Naruto answered. "But now the hard part begins."

"It's only three weeks. We've had worse times apart. And besides, we'll still get to see each other."

Naruto looked at him sceptically. "From opposite ends of classrooms, seething with fake rage?"

"Oh yes, I look forward to it," Sasuke said scornfully. "We'll get to see each other, idiot, because I've timetabled the days our houses are free so we can visit each other without being seen."

He produced from his pocket the tiniest piece of paper Naruto had ever seen, barely wide enough for two letters of his untidy scrawl, but on which Sasuke had fit an entire three-week schedule for both of them.

Naruto looked at it closely. "But your house is always free. Why don't we just go there every day?"

"Because no one who's just suffered a bad break up goes out every day," Sasuke said seriously. "You have to effectively appear to be sitting in your room _brooding_ every night. Plus we both need to study."

"Ah, of course, can't forget the study." Naruto laughed, but Sasuke was unamused.

"It wouldn't do any good for anyone if you were to slack off and do worse than usual. Remember, our plan only works if your marks in these exams are consistent with all your other ones."

"Otherwise the bonus points won't help anyway, right." The system didn't mean you automatically got a hundred percent. "Fine, fine."

Naruto leaned in to hug Sasuke, who neither responded nor pulled back. He appeared to have his mind completely elsewhere, but then he usually had that look.

"You should go," he said.

"Huh?"

"There's still one last thing that needs to be done. You have to go home."

Naruto made a face. He knew this would come up eventually. "Are you sure we have to lie to Iruka too? It'd be so much easier if – "

"If the first he hears about it is when the Department of Education calls to confirm? Naruto, you know he has to be included in this."

"But you've told Itachi what's going on. I didn't think family members would be a part of all this."

"Naruto." Sasuke looked at him unsmilingly. "Iruka has to be a part of this because everything has to be worked out through whoever's in charge of you. Adults only trust other adults. And Iruka's a _teacher. _We can't expect that he'll play along."

Of course, he was right. This discussion had happened before. Lying to authorities didn't bother Naruto in the slightest, but he did feel guilty when it came to his friends and family. Nevertheless, he went over his latest series of lines with Sasuke to make sure this next lie would be told as smoothly as the last.

The time crept on. Naruto became aware with increasing depression that the afternoon was drawing to a close, and their lives would very soon become chaotic performances for three weeks. By Sasuke's schedule, they wouldn't have a secret tryst for over a week, which was devastatingly long. Finally, Sasuke insisted that Naruto _had_ to go home, otherwise there wouldn't be sufficient time to successfully talk to Iruka the way they had planned.

They kissed, their last kiss until next weekend.

"Well, it begins, then," Naruto said, grimacing. "See you on the other side."

*

Iruka, Naruto and Sasuke had both agreed, would be a lot harder to fool than Tsunade. Despite Naruto's frequent visits to the principal's office, Tsunade's relationship with him was still nowhere near a familial one, and Iruka sometimes knew him better than he knew himself. He would have to play on that.

He took a few deep breaths as he approached home. As he entered his house, he wondered if it would be too melodramatic of him to slam the door behind him. He decided it would.

"You're home late," a voice called from the kitchen, at the end of the hallway. Iruka always seemed to have hypersensitive hearing.

"Yeah, I had some – stuff – to work out."

Iruka poked his head out of the kitchen sharply, as Naruto knew he would. He had been just hesitant enough to arouse suspicion.

"Work out? Why? What sort of stuff is going on that needs to be worked out?"

Now for avoidance. "Just school stuff. Nothing major."

"What was it, then?"

Anger. "Nothing! So I'm home a bit late! How does it affect _you?"_

"Naruto!"

And finally… "Don't! Just don't – I just don't want to have to think about it any more!"

… the crack.

Iruka rushed out of the kitchen and grabbed Naruto by the shoulders, holding him steady. "Naruto, Naruto! Look at me. Did you really think I don't know you well enough to know when you're pretending?"

_Oh, the beautiful, beautiful irony,_ Naruto thought, but he remained mute. His supposedly all-knowing guardian continued.

"You know that I'm never too busy to help you, right? I promise, it'll be better to let it out and open up to me, whatever it is."

It would have been a brilliant moment for Naruto to shed a few tears on command, but he hadn't mastered that particular skill. When he practised, he had a slight tendency to screw up his face in a way that could only be resemblant of someone giving birth.

"S – Sasuke," he said in a choked whisper.

Iruka's eyes widened as he jumped to conclusions. "Has something happened to him?"

Naruto shook his head.

"Did he – do something?"

At this, he looked anywhere but at Iruka's face, which of course told Iruka that the answer was yes.

"He didn't… " Iruka appeared as lost for words as Naruto was trying to act. "You haven't – broken up, have you?"

Naruto allowed his face to screw up, just a little bit. "I need to go," he said quickly, attempting to move, but knowing Iruka would keep him in place.

"No, Naruto!" Iruka's expression darkened, his grip on Naruto's shoulders tightening. "My God… three years, and he – it's impossible. No, of course it's not impossible. Why didn't I do something? I _knew_ an Uchiha could only be bad news! I just knew this would happen."

"What?" Naruto's act slipped slightly. "You knew what?"

Iruka looked worried. "Just that – well, I could never say anything, because you were so happy. I thought nothing was more important than that, but I should have realised… Sasuke is someone you should have never been involved with. He wasn't right for you – he's not right for _anybody_. I knew right from the beginning that he was going to hurt you, but I hoped against hope. I didn't want to be right. He's the worst type of person."

Naruto blinked, almost forgetting to look upset. Actually, he was in total shock. Iruka – didn't like Sasuke?

"I have to go," he said again, this time actually meaning it, but like any responsible parent whose teenaged child had just experienced a painful break-up with their partner of three years, Iruka refused to let him be on his own.

"No, Naruto. You're staying here with me. I'm not going to make you talk. You don't have to do or say anything if you don't want to, but I'm not letting you be alone right now. You have to know that I'm here for you, and unlike that _boy_, I always will be."

Iruka said _boy_ with such venom that Naruto winced. Iruka had always seemed so accepting of Sasuke. Could it really have been a lie? This was a decidedly unpleasant thing with which to be confronted.

What other challenges would come up as a result of this break-up? Naruto wasn't sure he wanted to find out.

*


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: **So, I stand by my oath to finish all my old stories! Even the ones I came up with on a whim in my final year of high school because I imagined how they could apply to my recently-discovered love life (I'm looking at you, _Most Frustrating Week of My Life_). But this one is so light and simple that getting out another chapter wasn't too hard; I just needed a good kick up the butt to make it happen. Thankfully, one reviewer did just that, so thank you, **I luv Gary MOFO Oak**. If it weren't for you, this chapter may not have existed for several decades. XD

Since it's been so long since I've written it, my writing tone and style feel like they've kind of changed, so I tried to keep it similar to how it was back then, just to be loyal to it. I hope you enjoy it, especially if you're one of the remarkable people who kept this on their alert list even though it looked doomed!

* * *

**The Break-Up: Chapter 2 [of maybe 13]**

At his home, Sasuke was diligently re-typing up the timetable on the family computer. Of course, 'family' just referred to him and Itachi nowadays, so he would have expected this activity to go relatively undisturbed by nagging relatives wanting their turn, but Itachi always had to prove him wrong. The elder brother was hovering just over Sasuke's shoulder, stealing glances at what he was typing.

"Do you _know _what privacy means?" Sasuke asked irritably, not looking away from the computer screen. Despite this, he knew that Itachi was smiling at him.

"If I don't watch what you're doing right now, I'll never get to see it. And what kind of brother-slash-guardian would I be if I didn't stand witness to your finest work?"

"Check your calendar. I'm eighteen now, so shut up with that _guardian _shit. And what do you mean, my finest work? This isn't some project."

"No?" Itachi cocked his head and rested it obnoxiously on top of Sasuke's own. "You're certainly putting in a lot of work, then, for something you don't have to do."

Sasuke muttered, "I _do _have to," and Itachi smiled again.

"Of course. 'Must go to the same university as Naruto because if I don't, the world will end and I'll drop out anyway to be wherever he is, because long-distance relationships are idiotic and designed to drive the participants insane.' That was what you said last semester, wasn't it?"

Knowing better than to answer that, Sasuke kept his mouth shut and typed. Itachi's near-eidetic memory meant that anything he quoted was as good as gospel and twice as trustworthy – for a select few people, anyway. If he didn't like someone he was more than happy to manipulate and lie to them. It had taken at least a year for him to say a single true word to Naruto, so obviously it was a reward hard to earn.

"I'm not making fun of you, Sasuke. I'm proud of you. Using your relationship to cheat the system is more like something I'd do."

Coming from anyone else, it would have been a backhanded insult, but Itachi was just messed up enough to mean it.

"It isn't _using _the relationship. In fact, it's virtually the opposite of that – it's the system that I'm abusing, _for _the relationship. You wouldn't know anything about that." Sasuke threw Itachi a scathing look, but it didn't have the desired effect: instead of looking acutely offended, Itachi just chuckled.

"All right. If you know everything about everything, then I guess you don't need my support with any of this. Fine. But when it goes wrong in ways even you can't anticipate, don't ask for my help."

"No problem," Sasuke growled. "The only way it could screw up is if people don't believe Naruto and I have really split up, but we'll do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen."

As Itachi shrugged nonchalantly, Sasuke couldn't help but be annoyed at him. Whenever he tried to do a psych-out like this, it left the target person second-guessing every decision they'd ever made. Even though Sasuke had complete confidence in his and Naruto's acting abilities, a niggling, unidentifiable doubt was trying to sprout its way into his mind. And along with it came the shrewd suspicion that maybe Itachi knew something because he was planning on _doing _something.

Sasuke tightened his mouth grimly. No; it may have been tough to tell sometimes if Itachi was on your side or not, but he wasn't deliberately vindictive. Especially not towards Sasuke. He was just being his usual, smug self.

Only a few hours after Itachi had left and Sasuke had printed out the fresh copy of the timetable (and emailed it to Naruto), that confidence he had was slipping. The Uchiha house reached a point of silence so quiet that it became unnerving. The building had all the usual creaks and groans, but those didn't offer up any impression that there was life inside. Itachi never made noise, so that was no big surprise, and three years ago Sasuke would have been the same, but of course, Naruto had changed all that. Naruto had always been the unofficial third resident, the ridiculously loud, messy one that brightened up every room. And with him around, Sasuke was never withdrawn, happy sometimes to yell for the sake of a cheap argument and just to hear his voice echo off the walls. Naruto was good at bringing out that side in people.

Since Naruto was around every other day, the prospect of practically four whole weeks without him was positively stifling. It was _boring. _Sasuke tried studying, but found himself restlessly drumming his fingers on his books. He tried eating but that just made him feel sluggish. He tried playing a video game but was frustrated to realise that all the good ones were either co-op only or at Naruto's place.

"Christ," he growled under his breath. This house could double as a morgue, it was so dead. Was Naruto really the only thing that made it interesting?

Damn it. It was only Saturday, the first Saturday of the charade, and he had already run out of ways to distract himself. It was almost embarrassing.

His eyes flickered towards his bed, where his mobile phone lay invitingly next to his other personal effects. Surely it wouldn't do any harm to call Naruto, would it? No one would see them together; they wouldn't be doing anything couple-y. It would be safe.

Unfortunately, he knew that was just wishful thinking, and that calling Naruto would be anything _but _safe. What if Iruka picked up the phone? What if he eavesdropped or checked Naruto's call history? What if Naruto accidentally let slip, "Love you," and Iruka realised they were faking it?

Sasuke resorted to glaring daggers at the phone and, when it failed to provide answers to any of these questions, he picked it up as if to throw it. But somehow the throwing part never happened, and of their own accord his fingers brought Naruto's name and picture up on screen.

He paced around the room staring at it for half an hour. _Half a freaking hour. _God, what did he _do _before Naruto was in his life? He looked past Naruto's photo on the phone to check the time, but all that did was make him groan about how much more day there was.

His fingers began moving again. This boredom was impossible. He'd send Naruto a text.

Not one for touch-screens, Sasuke took no time racing on the tiny keypad to write the words, _Did you tell Iruka?_

Completely innocuous. That was a message that implied no single emotion, that could mean whatever the reader wanted it to mean, from curiosity to accusation to ridicule. It meant that Naruto could safely receive and read it without their lie being exposed.

Barely a minute later, Sasuke's phone buzzed to life as it got a reply: _**Yeah, he was all broken up about it, all right.**_

_Is he with you? _typed Sasuke immediately.

_**No, thank God. He's driving me insane. To make me feel better he's been telling me all these horrible break-up stories, mainly his own. He might be listening at my door to check I'm not slitting my wrists, for all I know.**_

_Well, keep your voice down and delete these messages, just in case._

_**I know! I'm not an iDisk!**_

_You mean 'idiot'? Turn off your AutoCorrect, idiot._

Sasuke couldn't help smiling. Even if it wasn't in person, teasing Naruto was the most fun activity in the world. Well, besides kissing Naruto. Or watching Naruto shirtless. Having sex with Naruto in the gym shower at school. That one was certainly still an intoxicating memory.

Without waiting for a new reply, Sasuke sent, _How are you passing the time? I am literally out of things to do._

_**Besides pretending to cry and having to tolerate Iruka playing his high school mix tape of heartbreak songs? I've been stuck in my room like it's a prison cell. Oh yeah, I've been doing so many push-ups I can barely lift my hands to text.**_

That one finished with a winking emoticon. Naruto enjoyed bragging about the amount of exercise he did, while occasionally bemoaning the fact that Sasuke stayed in perfect shape without even trying, mostly doing the former because he knew Sasuke liked imagining it. As far as Sasuke was concerned, his boyfriend never looked better than when he was sweaty and mid-workout. So Naruto telling him that this was exactly how he'd been was quite deliberate, and quite provocative.

_Careful, idiot. Trying to entice me isn't going to work, it's just going to make us both more frustrated for the week. No alone time until the fourth, remember?_

As Sasuke wondered how effectively they could integrate phone sex into their plan, after a long wait Naruto replied. _**Ugh. I wish I wasn't so academically challenged. This sucks.**_

_I know._

_**No, Iruka's making me watch **_**A Walk To Remember **_**with him. I don't even understand! How is that relevant, how?!**_

Sasuke grinned at Naruto's misfortunate and texted _Good luck, _but didn't get anything else in response.

* * *

By the time Monday morning rolled around, Sasuke felt like some kind of immobile zombie. When sitting in the empty house got too depressing the day before, he had grabbed his bag full of schoolbooks and dragged himself outside until he found himself by the local library. With nowhere better to go, he parked himself inside and stayed there until closing time – a full eight hours later. He got through five practice exams in that time.

It was almost a relief to be back at school, with distractions abound, even if this close to the end of term there were very few real classes. At least there was structure and activity; at least there were people.

Sasuke automatically followed his usual routine from front gates to lockers to classroom. He considered sitting somewhere other than his normal seat, but then figured if he was the one that supposedly broke off his and Naruto's relationship, Naruto would be the one distraught enough to seek change. So Sasuke sat down where he always did and waited for others to file in at the bell.

Naruto himself was first to enter, and for a split second Sasuke thought optimistically that they might get a minute alone, but alongside him were a dozen or so others. Among them were some of their friends, Kiba, Shino and Shikamaru. Naruto looked like it was with great restraint that he didn't run across the room and leap at Sasuke, but he contained himself. Their friends had gone suddenly quiet, with Kiba being particularly obvious as he looked between Naruto's tense face and Sasuke's impassive one. They must have heard.

Kiba was actually the one who moved first. He walked deliberately, with heavy steps, to the opposite side of the room from where Sasuke sat and called out stiffly, "Let's sit here today, guys. Change it up. Naruto, c'mon."

Naruto grimaced and obeyed, Shino and Shikamaru following, too. For some reason, Sasuke was a lot more bothered by this than he expected: he and Naruto had both agreed that telling their friends the lie would be safest, as not many of them were good liars themselves, and although he had anticipated a bit of awkwardness interacting with them, what Kiba did seemed outright antagonistic.

Not entirely certain how to react, Sasuke stayed put and waited out the entire class. It was essentially free study, which meant a good amount of silence, and somehow that made it harder to concentrate. Naruto was usually as loud, obnoxious and distracting at school as he was at home, and perhaps Sasuke had gotten accustomed to working with that. Seeing him across the room acting grave and sullen was positively jarring.

Sasuke steeled himself. He could handle this; he had known it would be difficult at first, but better to go without Naruto for a few weeks now than for a few years at university. He was an Uchiha, damn it. He wasn't going to falter.

He _couldn't _falter, because he knew if he did, Naruto would crack and spill everything.

After focusing on that thought for the rest of the class period, Sasuke all but raced out of the room when the bell went, half-expecting one of his friends would come after him. When none of them did, he found himself frowning as some less-than-pleasant thoughts entered his head. He and Naruto had lots of friends, all of them fairly close, but there were three of them who had completely ignored him, brushed past him like he was nothing. Surely that wasn't a normal reaction to hearing that two people had broken up; maybe if they'd just been Naruto's friends, sure, but they were Sasuke's friends too!

Weren't they?

His frown deepened.


End file.
